Someone sent around an email asking the question...
"What are the greatest lessons in life you have ever learned?
One of the replies was good enough that I wish I had said it...
I think the biggest lesson I have learned is "Trust." In events. In other people. In myself. Trust requires me to open up and let go of my need to control things. The times when I have been most willing to go with the flow and trust have always led to the most interesting, exciting, important changes in my life. Of course, being open to outside control has its risks, but that's what makes it a life lesson. If it was easy, it wouldn't take so long to learn.
An important part of the need to be tied up is about trust. You have to give up control. Either actually or potentially put your trust in some one else. You have to go with the flow; and it certainly could get interesting.
Some of us feel the pull to turn control over to a trustworthy person to play out the next scene in a way that we can't, or won't.
We learn. We grow. It is exciting.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Non bondage
Let us live gladly! Quite certainly we are free to do it. Perhaps it is our only freedom, but ours it is, and it is only phenomenally a freedom. 'Living free' is being 'as one is'. Can we not do it now? Indeed can we not-do-it?
It is not even a 'doing': it is beyond doing and not-doing. It is being as-we-are.
This is the only 'practice'.
'All Else is Bondage; Non-Volitional Living' - Wei Wu Wei
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Ice Timer
Here is a little technique that I learned on the internet and then refined.
Many people tie themselves up. It is easier than finding a willing helper that you can trust. However, when you tie yourself up, you have to make it escapable. It puts you in a different mental state than when you know there is nothing you can do to escape. You are always deciding whether you should let yourself out yet; always looking for the way out; always ready to react in a sudden panic if someone might walk in.
If you know there is no way to escape yet, you relax, feel it, adapt to your new limits. You must accept whatever happens if someone were to catch you. There is nothing you can do so you unwind and flow with it.
That inescapable go-with-the-flow position can be achieved two ways; 1) have a partner who is in charge; 2) Have a timer that will not let you out for a while.
I never trusted mechanical or electrical timers. Too much can go wrong. If you place a piece of ice in a position that it won't let you out until the ice melts, you have a relatively sure outcome, and you are never quite sure how long the time will be.
I started by having the ice hold a key to a padlock. I even had it suspended from the ceiling above me so that as the ice melted it dripped onto my bare skin. It kept reminding me that it was ticking, and provided some tactile stimulation.
Later I skipped the padlock. Using a soft flat nylon rope, I tied a simple 6 inch long loop fastened to the bed ( or any solid object). On a longer piece of rope I created a lasso on one end and tightened it over the 6 inch loop. This left a bit of the 6 inch loop still hanging out. Slide an ice cube into that loop and pull tight on the long rope. The result is the ice cube prevents the long rope from sliding off of the short loop. You can pull on that rope with all the force the rope will handle. The ice is stronger.
Use your skills to tie yourself so that you can't get loose until the ice end of the rope comes free. It might be anywhere from 1 to 4 hours.
Another simple variation is working with the bed. If I put the middle of a flat rope between the box spring and the steel frame, it leaves a little loop sticking under the frame. With some force I can pull that rope out of there, unless there is an ice cube stuck in that loop. This ice cube is pushed tight to the steel frame so it melts faster. It lets loose in about an hour.
In any case, SAFETY is very important. Keep a phone handy and be able to use it. Have someone check on you (I know. Not easy). Don't ever get yourself in a position where blood flow or air flow is restricted.
Many people tie themselves up. It is easier than finding a willing helper that you can trust. However, when you tie yourself up, you have to make it escapable. It puts you in a different mental state than when you know there is nothing you can do to escape. You are always deciding whether you should let yourself out yet; always looking for the way out; always ready to react in a sudden panic if someone might walk in.
If you know there is no way to escape yet, you relax, feel it, adapt to your new limits. You must accept whatever happens if someone were to catch you. There is nothing you can do so you unwind and flow with it.
That inescapable go-with-the-flow position can be achieved two ways; 1) have a partner who is in charge; 2) Have a timer that will not let you out for a while.
I never trusted mechanical or electrical timers. Too much can go wrong. If you place a piece of ice in a position that it won't let you out until the ice melts, you have a relatively sure outcome, and you are never quite sure how long the time will be.
I started by having the ice hold a key to a padlock. I even had it suspended from the ceiling above me so that as the ice melted it dripped onto my bare skin. It kept reminding me that it was ticking, and provided some tactile stimulation.
Later I skipped the padlock. Using a soft flat nylon rope, I tied a simple 6 inch long loop fastened to the bed ( or any solid object). On a longer piece of rope I created a lasso on one end and tightened it over the 6 inch loop. This left a bit of the 6 inch loop still hanging out. Slide an ice cube into that loop and pull tight on the long rope. The result is the ice cube prevents the long rope from sliding off of the short loop. You can pull on that rope with all the force the rope will handle. The ice is stronger.
Use your skills to tie yourself so that you can't get loose until the ice end of the rope comes free. It might be anywhere from 1 to 4 hours.
Another simple variation is working with the bed. If I put the middle of a flat rope between the box spring and the steel frame, it leaves a little loop sticking under the frame. With some force I can pull that rope out of there, unless there is an ice cube stuck in that loop. This ice cube is pushed tight to the steel frame so it melts faster. It lets loose in about an hour.
In any case, SAFETY is very important. Keep a phone handy and be able to use it. Have someone check on you (I know. Not easy). Don't ever get yourself in a position where blood flow or air flow is restricted.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
August Rush
August Rush is a very well done movie. We watched it for the first time last week. I was surprised by how much it connected with me. It might be the only movie that brings tears to my eyes even when I am just mentally reviewing it.
Last night I watched it again. This time in a dark room with big surround sound. It affected me even more because I could see the threads of the story intertwining much earlier. During some scenes I could scarcely breathe.
This movie is not tense or sad. It is the sheer beauty, the excellence of how it is written and executed. But the tears come from deeper. The story is about a musical prodigy and cosmic connections that run through music. Most of us feel those connections. I feel them strongly when I am creating. I have always found tears in my eyes when I spontaneously whistle or play an original tune.
Ever since I have allowed myself to purposely explore the occasional drive to be tied up, my appreciation for beauty and cosmic connections has grown stronger.
Last night I watched it again. This time in a dark room with big surround sound. It affected me even more because I could see the threads of the story intertwining much earlier. During some scenes I could scarcely breathe.
This movie is not tense or sad. It is the sheer beauty, the excellence of how it is written and executed. But the tears come from deeper. The story is about a musical prodigy and cosmic connections that run through music. Most of us feel those connections. I feel them strongly when I am creating. I have always found tears in my eyes when I spontaneously whistle or play an original tune.
Ever since I have allowed myself to purposely explore the occasional drive to be tied up, my appreciation for beauty and cosmic connections has grown stronger.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Baby me
I read a story on experienceproject.com about a guy who likes wearing diapers. That particular story was about how he mentioned his feelings to a friend. To make a long story short, she and hubby tied him to a bed and put a mask over his head so he was helpless like a baby. He could suck on a tube to get liquid nourishment. They didn't let him free until after he eventually wet his diaper.
The whole story connected with me. It helped me realize how important it is to be helpless like a baby. Watch any baby. They seem to still know things at high spiritual levels. By the time they learn how to communicate to us, they no longer have the same spiritual connections.
Perhaps returning to the totally helpless condition also helps us re-establish some of the cosmic connections we had before we got sucked into this world of earthly connections.
The whole story connected with me. It helped me realize how important it is to be helpless like a baby. Watch any baby. They seem to still know things at high spiritual levels. By the time they learn how to communicate to us, they no longer have the same spiritual connections.
Perhaps returning to the totally helpless condition also helps us re-establish some of the cosmic connections we had before we got sucked into this world of earthly connections.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Why naked?
My urge to be tied usually goes along with being naked. Heck, if it were allowed, I would be happy being naked almost any place any time the temperature permits. It feels right.
Throughout the history of life, nudity and sex have virtually nothing in common. Unfortunately, in our culture, nudity is associated with sex and perversion. Lets untangle some of these intertwined threads...
What factors drive nudity while being tied?
1) A larger sense of helplessness and vulnerability. Somehow that is an important part of being tied up.
2) A sense of exposure, no part hidden, truth, a kind of intimacy.
Accepting helplessness and total exposure tends to open cosmic connections. It is also very much like being born.
3) Risk of being caught, embarrassed, nothing you can do about it. Breaking a taboo.
The current strength of sexual drive tends to drive the need for risk.
4) There is often, but not always, an element of sexual fantasy.
Strangely enough, being naked is not closely related to that.
Throughout the history of life, nudity and sex have virtually nothing in common. Unfortunately, in our culture, nudity is associated with sex and perversion. Lets untangle some of these intertwined threads...
What factors drive nudity while being tied?
1) A larger sense of helplessness and vulnerability. Somehow that is an important part of being tied up.
2) A sense of exposure, no part hidden, truth, a kind of intimacy.
Accepting helplessness and total exposure tends to open cosmic connections. It is also very much like being born.
3) Risk of being caught, embarrassed, nothing you can do about it. Breaking a taboo.
The current strength of sexual drive tends to drive the need for risk.
4) There is often, but not always, an element of sexual fantasy.
Strangely enough, being naked is not closely related to that.
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